i'm over facebook and their new changes. mostly i'm over browsing through my friends, or friends of friends, and seeing people i went to high school with doing something much more elaborate with their time and lives. 85% of the people i knew are out somewhere else, they've left the state and are employed with good jobs. or at least they're living a hell of a life in the process. i feel like i haven't done anything with myself. granted i've had some personal struggles and massive set backs but at the same time, like, what the actual fuck. reading facebook posts and seeing pictures just makes me jealous. i want to get help and get better but i can't. not having anyone as a friend or someone to confide in makes it all that much worse.
oh midwest, how i love thy ignorant self.
i won't repeat what someone said about obama on the news but apparently he's trying to get evan bayh - former indiana governator - as his running mate. APPARENTLY it's in attempt to get indiana as a swing state but..........we are so hardcore gop that i don't see it happening. once the olympics are over i get the feeling that the election is gonna be shoved down our throats.
which is good considering the vma's are gonna be SHIT this year. jobros? miley cyrus??? i love you bb, i do, but COME THE FUCK ON. that's what the teen choice awards are for. i hope bratney doesn't decide to make another comeback because last year was all the lolz i could take from that. i don't want to sleep because i don't want to work.
mostly because i've been temping at verizon wireless doing 10 hour days since i lost my other job, yay! money money money. that's what i have to keep reminding myself even though i have a job (hopefully) lined up at ballet chicago. fingers crossed.
i finally got my half-price sunshine american apparel hoodie.
and i actually have the internet for the first time in five days.
on top of that warped is this week and i got a job.
not to mention a hello kitty freeze pack for my lunch box.
you really were the weight around my ankles in the sea of no good.
knock down drag out, i'll let you throw the first punch.
in the end i always fucking win and don't you forget it.
now that *that's* out of my system, i would like to say to the boy at best buy last night that i successfully hooked up our netgear wireless router that yooou told me i didn't know how to do! sorry, i'm more of a tech geek than i let on.
anywhore apparently, i have to pay another $20 for them to turn on the outlet in my room so i can get cable. HOW FUCKING STUPID IS THAT??? we already paid a ridiculous fee for them to start cable and shit up in the apartment. and now more money. -.- i am going to go begging to daddy, i srsly am.
i am leaving for kentucky here in a few short minutes to go see lesley because i've been upset and gross and i really just want a weekend with my best friend where we can talk and be stupid like we always are. i'm hoping she can talk me out of going to california to be with someone, someone who totally doesn't appreciate me and that i've let hurt me but that i still want to be with anyway. only because i think if we lived closer it'd work better, and she's said that too, i just don't know. the more i talk to her on the phone the more sad i get.
our office manager just called me saying i'd written down more hours than i'd been scheduled for the two weeks of dance rehearsals/recitals, and she goes "you know you're not just supposed to write down the time you were there right?" (sidenote: even though that's what everyone else does! regardless.) and i told her no, i was always doing something or helping somewhere. and she goes "oh, well okay. didn't want you to be confused." aka we didn't want to pay you more than we originally had planned.
so. whatever. it just really upset me because i know everyone else does it too and i really was trying to do stuff. today has just sucked balls all around and now my mom's home so i'm getting prepared to be yelled at.
8:27 my phone starts ringing and it's my mom telling me i have to get up to wait for the air conditioner guy to come.
r. u. srs.
i would like to blame lesley for the fact that i am listening to pussycat dolls nonstop. i hated this song at first but now? fuck. lmao.
tonight was ... unbelievably bad. and hopefully thursday there will be none of my pants falling down, totally my own fault because i was watching the trainwreck that is the varsity tap class and laughing because they've done themselves in. it's actually kind of sad because some of the best dancers are quitting next year and they're very sweet girls, but i don't blame them. their ballet is super good, it goes on right before our hip hop so we were watching it from backstage. well, kind of. i was freaking out to dani because of my pants and then we all just kind of messed up at different points in the dance like when i dropped for some reason i could only get one leg out? chalking it up to not stretching.
i should really be sleeping but i've been sitting here trying to job hunt. the job i was interviewed for at the medical staffing place just doesn't seem to be panning out. i wanna work at target or something so i'm able to just do shit when i want but i dunno. the more i think about being in los angeles last summer the more itchy i feel. i hate that i am stuuuck here when it was all so close. i know things happen for a reason, whatever i accept that and maybe shit would've happened if i pushed it and went to school in new york city. i know it sounds stupid but i don't think the nightmares i was having were any coincidence, i think it meant something and i got way too scared. it doesn't make these feelings go away at all though. seriously i get so tired of watching people performing and crying because that's all i've ever wanted to do but nature has worked against me. i can change everything about me, sure, except the fact i'm too short.
and i really should have learned last year about skipping a period, i am going to be an emotional hellcat for the next few weeks.